In my line of work, I come across a lot of great music -- and a lot of really terrible music. Today, I unveil the first in a four-part series entitled "The Bottom 40 - The 40 Worst Songs of All Time." Please note that the songs considered for this "honor" had to meet certain criteria in order to be eligible. First, they had to be pop or rock songs that actually got radio play. Hip-hop and other specific genres were not considered, and may be addressed at a later date. Second, they had to either have reached the Billboard Hot 100 charts at some point, or be so horribly offensive that they were given a waiver. Basically, each one had to be a song that people have heard before. So, here they are... The worst songs of all time...
40. Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff
Also known as "How many times can I say the word $#!+ in one song?" This is a classic example of pandering to angsty teenage boys, complete with disingenuously aggressive lyrics and star-studded video. (Note to Fred: Having Dr. Dre in your video does not give you "street cred.")
39. Ween - Push th' Little Daisies
Weird, creepy and ridiculous. It's also pretty bad when Beavis sounds better on your own song than you do.
38. Duran Duran - The Reflex
Despite Duran Duran being pretty much a perfect microcosm of '80s music, the preposterous breakdown in the middle of "The Reflex" (and the accompanying sound of loud "robo-belching") destroys what otherwise would have been an acceptable song.
37. Backstreet Boys - Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely
Why are you specifically demanding to be shown something no one would ever want to experience? Why did you make the most depressing music video ever? Why does AJ McLean look like Ali G?
36. Jimmy Buffett - Cheeseburger in Paradise
I think this song speaks for itself, I rest my case.
35. Starship - We Built This City
These are the same people who recorded "Somebody to Love" and "White Rabbit?" Really? What has happened to our society? Further pushing this song into the 40 worst ever list is the inclusion of the fake radio announcer in the middle -- why is that necessary?
34. Debbie Gibson - Shake Your Love
The fedora. The dancing. The sassy Latin beat. (Oh, and the lip synching.) If this song wasn't bad enough, the completely asinine synthesized breakdown ensures its place as one of the corniest songs ever.
33. Prince and the New Power Generation - Diamonds and Pearls
Lame, cheesy lyrics, boring and repetitive instrumentation, and an overall completely skeezy song. Was this supposed to put us in the mood?
32. Bobby Brown - On Our Own
This song might not be on the list except for the fact that Mr. Brown performs one of the worst raps ever, not once, but twice, in a 4:41 song. (Oh, and the fact that this song plays continuously on a loop the entire time you're waiting in line for the Ghostbusters ride at Universal Studios.) The video is actually worth watching, if for no other reason than laughing at the many late 80's celebrities who made an appearance.
31. Was (Not Was) - Walk the Dinosaur
Where to begin with this song? Terrible concept, line dance that never even caught on, abominable lyrics (see: "The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice / I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice")...not to mention the fact that the leader of this dreadful group somehow happened to also be a producer for Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, B.B King, George Michael, and about a zillion other awesome artists. Whaaaa?
That's it for now! Come back next week for our next installment of the 40 Worst Songs of All Time, Part 2. Better yet, subscribe to our blog and you'll get the next set automatically!