Welcome to part two of our four-part feature, "The Bottom 40 - The 40 Worst Songs of All Time." This week, we count down the worst songs ever from #30 to #21. There are a couple really bad ones here, enjoy (sort of)!
30. Will Smith - Boom Shake the Room
I know I said that hip-hop was not considered for this list, but Will Smith does not count as hip-hop. I don’t know what to say about this song, so I’m going to say everything. This song is TERRIBLE. Oh, how it sucks… let me count the ways: First of all, the outright thievery of Kris Kross’ “miggada-miggada-mack-daddy” rap style is totally unacceptable. Will, I understand that you’re a pretty vanilla rapper, but you just shouldn’t steal rap styles from children. It’s bad form. Second, the part of the song where Will tells a female to “work that booty." It’s so bad that you’re embarrassed for listening to it, and embarrassed for Will Smith that he made it. Kind of like when your drunk uncle takes off his shirt at the dinner table at Christmas because he’s hot – he’s clearly making an ass of himself, but you’re also somewhat implicated because you’re related to him. Third, the gratuitous use of the “explosion” sound effect when Will says “Boom.” Yes, we get it. The song says “boom,” you can’t miss it. It’s like shrapnel in my ears. Third, there’s the rhyming of the word “body” with the word “somebody.” Seriously? You’re a RAPPER (kind of) and you can’t even bother to not rhyme a word with the same word? Finally, there’s the third verse of the song, featuring Will Smith stuttering. On purpose. And referencing the fact that he’s stuttering in his stuttering rhymes. This song is w-w-w-wuh-WACK.
29. Terry Jacks - Seasons in the Sun
Oh, you painfully depressing, yet cheerily sung, piece of 70’s pop garbage. Terry, 1000 butterflies died every time you sang this song. Nirvana covered it at one point, which seems a bit more appropriate for a song that makes you want to kill yourself. It was also covered by the british boy band Westlife in 1999, produced by (guess who?) Simon Cowell. I rest my case.
28. Taco - Puttin' on the Ritz
This song has been a bone of contention between me and Jennifer, who really helped me whittle this list down to 40. She insists that this is an acceptable song. I insisted that it’s the worst song of all time. We compromised on #28. I think I hate this song because of it being an earworm – at one point I think I had it stuck in my head for two weeks straight. It is not, in my opinion, “super duper.”
27. Steve Miller – Abracadabra
Also known as “the song that you know all the lyrics to the first time you hear it,” this may actually be the song with the worst lyrics of all time. Every single line contains zero original thoughts – it sounds like it was written by a horny sixth-grader for a project in English class. Elementary, cliché, and generally lazy. That being said, I really like Steve Miller. He totally ruined what could’ve been a good song by putting in no effort whatsoever. Give it a try! Play the song and see if you can guess the next line. I bet you can!
26. Los Del Rio – Macarena
I don’t even think I need to explain why the Macarena is on this list. Aiight!?!
25. Boys Don't Cry - I Wanna Be a Cowboy
This song could never have existed anytime except the 1980s. Ridiculous concept, entirely boring monotone male singer, breathy melodramatic female singer, wailing 4-second guitar solo amidst the bad synthesizers and robotic chipmunks singing "yippee yippee yi" all make for what I can only call a musical abomination.
24. Lynyrd Skynyrd - That Smell
Upon its opening bars, this song sounds like it will be pretty awesome. The first few lines of lyrics sound like generic biker rock. Then, the horrific chorus of "Ooh, that smell" assaults your ears, accompanied by a creepy, gutteral groan, and it's all downhill from there. Evidently this song is about the horrors of drug abuse, but that message is pretty much lost when all you can focus on is "that smell."
23. Next - Too Close
Let’s keep it real. The subject matter of this song is totally unacceptable. Add to that the fact that, at the club, when this song comes on it gives every guy there the brilliant idea to grind on whatever woman he can find and act out the lyrics. That said, I like the song. It’s funny. It’s also the 23rd worst song of all time.
22. Blondie – Rapture
This is one of those songs that, when it first comes on, you think you like it and you may even start to move. Then you realize the lyrics actually suck. The "rap" in the middle really sets the song apart among the other crappy songs of this era. "Eating cars?" Really? And why does this song have to be over five minutes long?
21. Rhythm Syndicate – P.A.S.S.I.O.N.
I guess we know where Will.I.Am picked up his fascination with spelling out words in every song that he, Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas record.
That's all for now, what did you think? Stay tuned next week for part three, the songs get even worse from here. HINT - If you subscribe to our blog, you'll get the next issue delivered!