Behold, the third in our four-part series, "The Bottom 40 - The 40 Worst Songs of All Time." Today, we're really getting into the thick of some terrible music with #20 through #11!
20. Donny Osmond - Soldier of Love
Otherwise known as "The Cliche Song," this piece of horrendous songwriting was brought to us by the lovable, huggable, giant-chiclet-veneer-wearing Donny Osmond. I love how he's trying to look tough in the music video with the leather jacket...
19. B-52's - Rock Lobster
This is another one of those songs that, when you hear the first couple of notes, you get all excited and you're like "Yeah! Rock Lobster!" Then, about 15 seconds later, you're like "I don't remember this song sucking so much." Don't get me wrong, I really like the B-52's, but this song is awful. Fred Schneider is so annoying in this song, it's like listening to Gilbert Gottfried on a cracked-out PCP binge - complete with screaming and groaning and nonsensical rambling... Terrible.
18. Chubby Checker & The Fat Boys - The Twist
What's worse than ol' Chubby Checker trying to squeeze a little more blood from "The Twist" in the 1980's? Getting help from hip-hop's original bad joke - The Fat Boys. Who, precisely, was supposed to be the beneficiary of this collaboration? Were the Fat Boys helping Chubby out? Really?
17. Breathe - Hands to Heaven
Ok, seriously. This guy needs to "man up" and get over it. This is probably the most melodramatic song ever. She probably left you for being a total drama queen and crying all the time. Pathetic.
16. Neil Diamond - America
I think this was a clever attempt by Neil Diamond to discourage immigration to the United States by making foreigners think that all of our music sucks.
15. Minnie Riperton - Loving You
I was going to go off about how bad this song is, but I just watched the video and it kind of speaks for itself.
14. Paul Lekakis - Boom Boom (Let's Go Back To My Room)
Otherwise known as "The Least Effective Pickup Song Ever." This song was #1 on the Australian charts for 5 weeks. Seriously. And you thought we had problems...
13. Wham! - Wham Rap '86
I don't even know what to say.
12. Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)
Just thank me for only including the 7-minute and 22-second music video and not the 11-minute live version. The album version is a full 12 minutes long. Please note that Meat Loaf won a Grammy for this song, and it was #1 for five weeks in 1993. This fact makes me question the long-term prospects for representative democracy in our country.
11. City High - What Would You Do?
This song represents everything wrong with our society. No, not the subject matter of the song - although that is also terrible and depressing - I mean the song itself. This is just painful.
So, what do you think? I can't wait until next week to count down the 10 Worst Songs of All Time. Until then, you should subscribe to our blog - you can get it delivered!