This great question comes via The Knot Wedding Channel forums:
Hi everyone! Okay well I originally thought it would be a good idea to get the minister that was a family friend for a long time (however we haven't seen him in years) to do the wedding to add that 'something special' and not just anyone feel. However after our first meeting on Skype with him and my FI, it didn't go so well because we don't really look at things the same and it was more of a lecture and sort of rude than I'd wanted. Since then I have found someone else whom I am extremely happy with to do the wedding!! HOWEVER NOW- I face having to let the other minister know why we haven't bought his plane tickets yet and that we decided not to use him. ANY advice on this topic would be greatly appreciated because I Have to do this ASAP! Thanks girls!
Now, the title of this bride's post is "Firing the minister! Help!" but is it really "firing" if you haven't actually hired them in the first place? Unless you signed a deal (which you should NEVER do without a meeting or at a minimum a phone consultation!), there is no firing to be done as the officiant was never actually officially hired. It's more like gentle letting down, which is easy to do.
Here's the bottom line: a couple should feel confident in their vendor choices, and especially in the case of their officiant, should feel a connection with that person. Your officiant doesn't have to be your new best friend but if you get the sense that you just don't vibe, don't feel obligated to invite this person to be a part of your wedding. It really is as simple as that. Sometimes personalities or ideals clash, sometimes you don't share the same vision, sometimes it just isn't a good fit for no obvious reason. Whatever it is, don't worry about it, especially since you have found someone you DO fit well with.
The best course of action here is to be honest and upfront with the officiant, thank them for their time but inform them in a polite, succinct way that you have chosen to go with someone else for your ceremony. No harm, no foul. This happens all the time, and wedding professionals are totally prepared to handle rejection. We can't speak for all the officiants out there but at least for MyDeejay, we'd rather a couple book with someone else than book us simply because they didn't want to hurt our feelings. A successful wedding is one in which all parties - vendors and couple included - feel comfortable, excited and confident in their ability to pull it off. If personalities are clashing, that isn't going to happen and no one ends up happy in the end. That's the last thing we want to see.
In the end, this bride took others' advice and broke it to the officiant, who apparently took it well. See? All's well that ends well.